A note from Souldoctor:
The following article was not written by me. The author's name is unknown. This article was reproduced from the formerly obsolete web site, Truth1.org. The web site is now back up and running. The reason I decided to copy this article to my own web space is because I feel the author has a unique insight on American adolescent concerns regarding personal responsibility, independence, parents, love, sex, and marriage.

Please be aware that this article, as it appears on my web space, is not in it's original state. I have corrected spelling and grammatical errors. I have attempted to eliminate redundancy and to create brevity. I have also restructured sentences and paragraphs to improve readability and understanding. Even though I have made these changes, I feel I have not taken anything away from the spirit of the author's opinions. If you would like to read the original article, please click here, or visit Truth1.org.

Adolescents, Morality, and Marriage

Sub-headings:

In American society today, premarital adolescent sex is on the rise. Sexual promiscuity is readily practiced and alluded to in the world around us. We have all been greatly effected by it, but none more than our adolescent children. Many parents struggle with disciplining their adolescent children, and face even greater hardship in providing their teenagers with convincing reasons to refrain from premarital sexual behavior and intimacy. Compared to previous generations of American adolescents, today's teenagers do not carry the same guilty consciences regarding sex. While it is a good thing our adolescents have rid themselves of irrational sexual hang-ups, they have also tossed out moral common sense, and there is nothing good about that.

I will be discussing the issues in this article primarily from the standpoint of American adolescent girls, whose demographic faces numerous legal and social hurdles along their paths toward independence and taking personal responsibility for life choices such as employment, romantic relationships, sexual intimacy, pregnancy, and marriage. All opinions expressed about adolescent girls in this article also apply to adolescent boys, though not specifically stated in most cases.

Due to my faith in the Holy Bible as the Word of God, I believe God set forth marriage between a male and a female as the best and only way to satisfy our sexual desires. However, if God holds marriage as a moral prerequisite for sexual intimacy, what do we say to our adolescent children who wish to engage their sexualities, but are not allowed to marry? The Apostle Paul had this to say about sex, temptation, and marriage:

1 Corinthians 7:2) But because of the temptation to immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 7:3) The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise, the wife to her husband.

Marriage is important, not only for sexual reproduction, but also so we can satisfy our sexual urges in a proper way. Husbands and wives are to be sexually intimate with each other so as to avert immoral sexual temptations. Our adolescent children will want to know why they cannot marry. They are certainly willing and eager to begin their sex lives, so why are they denied the choice to marry? The most common (and insulting) explanation is they are too young; but, as adolescents know, they are not too young. What are the real reasons, if any?

The United States has changed an awful lot over the last one hundred years or so. There was a time, just before the Victorian Age, when American women typically began their married lives during their adolescent years. In fact, most ancient civilizations allowed their daughters to marry as soon as they reached puberty, making twelve to fourteen years the common age range.

Among modern Jews today, thirteen is still considered the age when a boy becomes a man, and a girl, a woman. Interestingly enough, according to old Jewish tradition, a girl had to be ten years old for marriage, but three years old for betrothal to any man considered suitable by the girl's father. This is what the old Jewish tradition states, but for the most part, Jewish practice over the centuries had normally set the age at thirteen years, even into the 20th century. Presently, the Jews are like the rest, frowning upon any age younger than eighteen. Nonetheless, a person's age was not of the utmost importance at one time. Why the change?

For a background on some marriage practices of societies from centuries ago, please consider the words of Clement of Alexandria and Eastern Roman Emporer, Justinian.

STROMATA 2
CHAP. XXIII -- ON MARRIAGE

"But they who approve of marriage say Nature has adapted us for marriage, as is evident from the structure of our bodies, which are male and female. And they constantly proclaim the command, 'Increase and replenish!'"

"Legislators, moreover, do not allow those who are unmarried to discharge the highest magisterial offices. For instance, the legislator of the Spartans imposed a fine not on bachelorhood only, but on late marriage and single life. And the renowned Plato orders the man who has not married to pay a wife's maintenance into the public treasury, and to give to the magistrates a suitable sum of money as expenses. For if they shall not beget children, not having married, they produce, as far as in them lies, a scarcity of men, and dissolve states and the world that is composed of them, impiously doing away with divine generation. It is also unmanly and weak to shun living with a wife and children. For that of which the loss is an evil, the possession is by all means a good; and this is the case with the rest of things. But the loss of children is, they say, among the chiefest evils, thus the possession of children is consequently a good thing; and if it be so, so also is marriage."

Interesting! It seems some thought marriage to be a good thing, and the sooner the better! Having children is also a good thing, and some punished those who did not marry and have children. Imagine that! Boy, have we ever changed. What a reversal!

A rather famous law code was issued by Eastern Roman Emperor Justinian in 535 AD. What is relevant to this discussion are the minimum ages for marriage.

Book 1
Chap. X -- Marriage

"Roman citizens are bound together in lawful matrimony when they are united according to law, the males having attained the age of puberty, and the females a marriageable age; they must first obtain the consent of their parents, in whose power they are. For both natural reason and the law require this consent; so much so, indeed, that it ought to precede the marriage. Hence the question has arisen, whether the daughter of a mad-man could be married. And, as opinions were divided as to the son, we decided that as the daughter of a mad-man might, so may the son of a mad-man marry without the intervention of the father, according to the code established by our constitution."

Chap. XXII -- Freedom from Guardianship

"Pupils, both male and female, are freed from tutelage when they attain the age of puberty. The ancients judged of puberty in males, not only by their years, but also by the development of their bodies. But we, from a wish to conform to the purity of the present times, have thought it proper, that what seemed even to the ancients to be indecent towards females, namely, the inspection of the body, should be thought no less so towards males; and, therefore, by our sacred constitution, we have enacted that puberty in males should be considered to commence immediately on the completion of their fourteenth year; while, as to females, we have preserved the wise rule adopted by the ancients, by which they are esteemed fit for marriage on the completion of their twelfth year."

Chap XXIII -- Curatorship.

"Males arrived at the age of puberty, and females of a marriageable age, receive curators, until they have completed their twenty-fifth year; for, although they have attained the age of puberty, they are still of an age which makes them unfit to protect their own interests."

2) "No adolescent is obliged to receive a curator against his will, unless in case of a lawsuit, as a curator may be appointed for a particular special purpose."

4) "Persons who are of unsound mind, or who are deaf, mute, or subject to any perpetual malady, since they are unable to manage their own affairs, must be placed under curators."

Note the age of females considered acceptable was only twelve years old. Girls of that age were considered old enough for marriage, regardless of whether or not their bodies were physically ready for sexual intimacy and reproduction. In all these opinions and law codes, we see the acceptable marrying age was quite young. How differently we think today!

If people typically married at young ages for most of mankind's history, why did we change? In fact, when you consider it, it is we in the modern world who are the anomaly in the progression of history. Most of the change is related to how we earn a living and our ability to support a family on one income.

The Industrial Revolution changed they way we, as a nation, earn a living. We are willing to work for someone else rather than ourselves, and we also accept a lower standard of personal and financial independence in exchange for job security and a steady paycheck. When our economy was farm-based, we may not have had much money, but we had the independence and financial ability to marry and start families in our adolescent and early adult years.

By and large, we now depend on employers for a living, so a person is more unlikely, at an adolescent or young adult age, to earn enough money to support a family without the aid of another income. Beginning a family in our adolescent or early adult years is no longer the norm, but rather a luxury. That's what's wrong with our country, and it's indicative of our failure to adequately address the issue within our own lives. So now we delay marriage out of necessity, not so much because of age or level of maturity, but because of financial circumstances.

Our way of life changed radically in the 19th and 20th centuries. Many people lived an agricultural lifestyle prior to the Industrial Revolution. When factories and city life became more common, our lifestyles and life choices began to change. When farming was the only economic option for many, people married and started families at an adolescent or young adult age, not only out of desire, but also out of necessity. Unfortunately, due to the influence of the Victorian Age, we now view our adolescents as too young to marry and have families, and we also, by and large, regard sexuality as shameful. Such views are not right, not historical, and certainly not Biblical. Our views of adolescence, marriage, and sexuality became complicated because of Victorian values, and our nation's healthy sense of sexuality was scarred.

Dare I ask, were these changes good? Were they for the better? Have our lives improved because of these changes? Or has society degraded so badly, we now delay marriage out of necessity, and not will? These questions are what we will explore. There are some interesting reasons why we have a different set of beliefs currently in the U.S.A. It has a lot to do with early 20th century politics. There is a study written by University of Maryland's Kriste Lindenmeyer that proves to be very enlightening, and I urge you to read what it has to say if you wonder how, and why, things were changed. You can click on the link below if you'd like to read the study now, but if you'd like to read it later, I have also placed a link at the end of this article.

The Lindenmeyer Study "Adolescence, Marriage, and Parenthood in the Twentieth Century U.S."

Though not readily recognized in our society, there are different types of maturity. Among the most important types are physical maturity, intellectual maturity, emotional maturity, and sexual maturity. There is also the legal definition of maturity in the U.S. which varies from state to state. For further confusion, there are various ages, sometimes within the same state, for individual issues such as alcohol consumption, sexual consent, receiving an abortion, driving an automobile, voting, and joining the military and fighting a war. We are an inconsistent nation, for sure.

Let's begin with physical maturity. This is when long-bone growth is completed and we grow no more. For women, this is about nineteen, and for men, about twenty-one. As we all know, physical maturity does not always correspond with intellectual, sexual, or emotional maturity.

Sexual maturity is achieved when the secondary physical characteristics of adolescent males and females are developed enough to allow for sexual intimacy and reproduction. It's a curiosity as to why God would adapt us for sexual intimacy and reproduction even before we are fully grown. The truth is, most adolescents will reach sexual maturity, at least in the physical sense, well before they finish long-bone growth.

Furthermore, there are types of maturity known as intellectual and emotional maturity. These types of maturity can vary considerably. There seems to be some common developmental stages in these types of maturity, but as any of us know, some adolescents reach greater levels of maturity in some areas than other adolescents. Some teenagers are very responsible, and others not much at all. Some are very stable and others are not. There can be large variances, and these can be big factors in the development of maturity. For sure, many types of maturity do not correspond to age at all. Some adults act like needy children, while some children display incredible maturity for their age.

Last, but not least, there are several legal definitions of maturity as created by lawyers, judges, and legislatures. These definitions are often the most comical and inconsistent, and I am going to deal with them next.

Over the years following World War II, automobiles became a major part of our lives, especially for our teenagers. Speaking only to what I am familiar with, which are the laws in the State of Maine, the age for obtaining a driver's license was once fifteen years. Times have changed, however, and the age limit has been raised.

The age limit was raised because teenagers became too numerous on the road, and began driving more recklessly and foolishly. So it was imagined, if the age was raised, it would allow teenagers to mature more, but the plan has not worked. To raise the age high enough to accomplish the desired level of maturity, state of Maine lawmakers would have to extend the age to twenty-two, rather than sixteen.

In Maine, particularly in the greater Portland area, automobile-related adolescent deaths have risen in alarming numbers, and almost exclusively because of stupidity and recklessness behind the wheel. As if right on cue, the answer to this problem was to raise the driving age even higher, along with auto insurance rates for adolescent drivers. In addition, Maine now forbids licensed teenagers in high school to have more than one passenger in their car. Why? Because teenagers love to gather four to six in a car, and when they ride together, their brains go out the window, and sometimes even their lives.

Instead of raising the age limit ad infinitum, I think a better solution is to begin convicting and imprisoning brain-dead teenagers if they are responsible for injury or death due to recklessness behind the wheel. Not that prison will help the convicted that much, but the threat of imprisonment might make other teenagers think twice about being stupid and reckless with an automobile.

This is not the only trend like this. The legal age to consume alcohol in Maine was once eighteen. In 1977, the age was raised to nineteen. The age limit is now twenty-one. As if raising the age by three years has helped the situation any. It certainly hasn't stopped alcohol abuse and consumption among college-aged students. Even though it's a felony to supply alcohol to anyone younger than twenty-one, there are plenty of twenty-one to twenty-four-year-old college students willing to buy and distribute alcohol among their fellow, although underage, college cohorts.

Even more perplexing, an underage adolescent girl can, in some states, get an abortion without parental consent or knowledge. She is old enough to get an abortion, but not old enough to grant legal sexual consent or to legally marry on her own volition. How's that for a paradox?

For the most part, the legal age for business agreements and sexual consent is set at eighteen. Eighteen is also the age a person can join the military, with the possibility of being sent to war and dying on the battlefield. Our right to vote, too, has been set at eighteen years of age. To me, it's intellectually dishonest to suggest dying in a war or choosing our country's president are less serious decisions than buying and consuming alcohol, but die in a war and choose a president you can, at eighteen. Just don't think about alcohol until twenty-one!

Is alcohol abuse a problem among adolescents? Absolutely! However, is raising the legal age for alcohol consumption the best way to cope with adolescent alcohol abuse? Sure, alcohol consumption laws help keep liquor out of the hands of adolescents, but do these laws change anything about an adolescent's predilection towards alcohol abuse? We need to start focusing on educating and healing our troubled adolescents, and not worry so much about their ages.

It's the same with consensual sex. An adult man can elect to have sex with any consenting eighteen-year-old woman, but he cannot choose to have sex with a consenting seventeen-year-old girl as this would be considered statutory rape. We judge such sex to be rape because we do not consider a seventeen-year-old girl as being intellectually and emotionally aware enough to contemplate, let alone accept, the possible consequences inherent to sexual intimacy. While we may have good reasons for setting age limits regarding certain legal activities, there is still need for speculation concerning the age requirements surrounding consensual sex and marriage. It all comes down to personal responsibility, and whether or not the government has the right to decide who can and cannot accept responsibility for themselves.

Alcohol, sex, and driver's licenses are not the only chronic problems society deals with. More and more, adolescents are committing murder or other such violent and destructive crimes. It's become so out of hand that some states have realized the necessity of bringing these adolescent children to justice as adults for their very serious crimes.

Why has it come to this? It's because adolescent children, being very savvy, realized the law was not holding them accountable for their crimes. Teenagers found out they could do whatever they wanted with little fear of hard punishment. Should they end up in reform school, they would be released by eighteen, and would be free again. What a deal! So, because of these extreme situations, we now understand teenagers need to be fully accountable and responsible for their actions, or they will only get worse. In many places now, people under eighteen are being convicted as adults for their serious crimes. In my opinion, it's about time, as the Holy Bible has always held children, pre- or post-adolescent, fully accountable. Let's look at that.

Deuteronomy 21:18 (GLT) "If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not listen to his father's voice, or his mother's voice; even though they discipline him, he will not listen to them; 19) then his father and his mother shall lay hold on him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place; 20) and they shall say to the elders of his city, 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he will not listen to our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.' 21) And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, and he shall die. So you shall put away the evil from among you, that all Israel shall hear, and fear."

I wondered about this scripture back in the 1980's. It refers to a son of significant age given he is a drunk and a glutton. I wondered if the scripture applied or should apply to children under twelve. Then I considered the next account and decided younger children were accountable as well.

2 Kings 2:23 "And he [Elijah] went up from there to Bethel. And he was going up in the highway. And little boys came out from the city and mocked him, and said to him, 'Go up, bald head! Go up, bald head!' 24) And he turned behind him and saw them, and declared them vile in the name of Jehovah. And two bears came out of the forest and tore forty-two boys of them."

Evidently God did not take kindly to young boys disrespecting elderly men, especially if the elderly men were prophets. The boys and their parents learned the hard way why discipline and respect are important. Even without the punishment and vengeance of God, respect is vitally important to a society, and it will not profit when disrespect of others becomes rampant and without justifiable cause, as was the case with Elijah who had done nothing to these young boys.

In the 1980's, many things had yet to develop that are now common-place, so I no longer wonder about the law of God. If you have ever watched daytime television talk shows, an evidently popular subject is outright rebellious children, ten years of age or older. These children also realized the law gave them power over their parents. The law had tied their parents' hands, which in itself has to make you wonder about the law and its real intentions. Anyway, the children would drink alcohol, do drugs, stay out all night, have sex with all sorts of people, even adults - just wild, out-of-control behavior.

These talk shows would help the parents by financially sponsoring and enrolling their rebellious children in disciplinary boot camps for teenagers and children. The boot camps delivered hard discipline without violence of any kind, and when the program was complete, most of the children did a 180° turn-around in their behavior. They saw the light. Suddenly they had their lives taken over by others, there was no escape, and the law had abandoned them.

The boot camps are, in many ways, another form of detention sanctioned by law. The whole thing is hypocritical. If parents did what these camps do, they would be in jail and would lose custody of their children; but, if parents are willing to spend thousands of dollars, or find someone else to pay for the boot camp program, then the government will grant their approval for the hard disciplinary measures the children need.

The discipline the parents did not know how to exact, or would not be allowed to exact, is otherwise allowed within a special arrangement with these boot camp facilities. The end result is good, but the parents should have been allowed the same disciplinary options without the camps. Regardless, hard discipline has been shown to quickly change the attitudes of rebellious children. They thought they were beyond all reach of the law, but found out the hard way they were not. These children got a big surprise, you might say.

Disciplinary issues are at the core of our society's problems today. We do not discipline our children, nor hold them accountable as the Holy Bible commands. In the Bible, if children did not obey, they faced, at times, being put to death. Of course, death is not a reasonable option these days, but I'd imagine being faced with hard and real discipline would have much the same effect with making children behave reasonably, wouldn't you say?

Children need to be fully responsible for their behavior. We have learned this in extreme cases, but we should be applying the law in other places also.

While touring the Longfellow House in Portland, Maine, the boyhood home of American poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, I was informed by the tour guide that Henry, like most boys his age, attended college at fourteen. This was sort of a shock to me - fourteen? Yes, that was the standard age at the time. Longfellow was an eloquent writer. For that matter, so were a number of soldiers in the Civil War.

Adolescents, at one time, worked long hours before labor laws were put into effect. While the long hours were certainly questionable, the idea of teenagers doing some amount of work was a good thing. In many respects, teenagers in the past were expected to perform as adults, and did so quite well. We know they can work, if they want. Whether they should, and beginning at what age, is another matter.

Given teenagers were once very literate, and even ready for college at fourteen years of age, why are our children today taking until the age of eighteen to graduate from high school? Why have their S.A.T. scores dropped so far down? Why can't they write as beautifully, and with such command of the english language, as ordinary soldiers once did, even without college? Where did we go wrong? Why are we turning out a bunch of literary flops?

Having been a student of the public school system myself, I remember math as it was taught from 1st through 3rd grade. My math lessons primarily focused on learning addition and subtraction, with a brief introduction to multiplication in the 3rd grade. For three years, we learned two or three small mathematical principles. In fact, when I was in 5th grade, my teacher told me no one can subtract a larger number from a smaller one. I spoke up and said anyone could, indeed, subtract a larger number from a smaller one, and then owe the rest. I was already comprehending integer math and was shot down for it. He could have at least said, "Yes, but that is a more advanced math, and you will need to wait to learn more about it." Instead he said, "No." That's OK, I didn't listen to him, anyway.

I did poorly in school up to 4th grade, not for lack of ability, but out of sheer boredom. The schools are horribly slow and inefficient with teaching our children higher concepts and ideas. For some reason, we have come to view our children as slow learners. Much the opposite, their minds are smarter and faster at their young age, and they are eager to learn if we would allow them to. Instead, we prolong the learning process, and delay higher education for years past our children's first ability to understand such advanced subjects. This technique is known as "dumbing down", and I am not so sure it's happening by accident.

As a result, our adolescents are barely ready for college at eighteen years of age, even though they were at one time ready by the age of fourteen. I believe we adults are responsible for this failure, whether we are parents, or just a part of society. We expect so little from our children and get so little in return. "You get what you ask for," it is said. Ask for nothing, and that is exactly what you will get.

Our children are going to face many things at earlier ages than we might prefer, but whether we prefer it or not, it will happen. In the wild jungle, young animals have to learn quickly how to survive, or they can end up as a meal for a predator. It is not much different for our children. Learn fast or perhaps die. They need to know how to watch out for traffic, avoid suspicious situations, cope with bullies, defend their space, etc. They need to know and learn as soon as possible. It is for their own advantage, protection, and survival.

Nonetheless, we continue to take the lazy or irresponsible approach. We are often slow to teach our children, if not downright negligent. For starters, we leave most of our children's education to others, primarily schools. Some leave everything up to schools and do nothing more. However, schools only teach academic things. Things like morals, manners, handling money, and street-smarts aren't taught in schools, yet all of these things need to be taught to our children. We are particularly uncomfortable, if not terrified, to teach our children about sex, and we justify our unease by convincing ourselves that passing on too much knowledge about sex might be harmful to our children, especially if we think they're too young to know.

A parent should not be afraid to answer any sex-related question their children ask, but many parents avoid the subject and resort to the old "cabbage patch story", or "the stork", or some other explanation. I do not believe in lying to children. Lying can destroy parents' credibility and break the bonds of trust. Why lie about sex anyway, unless you are ashamed of it? Why be ashamed of something God created? Shame over the subject of sex is wrong.

I was told by a friend of mine who once lived on an animal farm that children on a farm do not take long to understand the idea of sex. Animals are frequently seen "doing it," and so either the parents are able to explain sex easier, or their children will soon figure it out on their own. Sexual ignorance is not possible on a farm full of animals, and really, neither is ignorance possible in our sex-crazed society. We either tell our children about sex, or they will find out for themselves elsewhere.

As a society, we maintain several hang-ups in regard to sex. Too many people view sex as something shameful we need to hide from children, especially girls. Parents dread the moments their little girls begin to discover and grow into sexual awareness. They shiver at the idea of their daughters participating in something as vulgar as sex. Mind you, sex is perfectly fine for mom and dad, but certainly not for their daughters. The views and fears we have about sex are irrational, and certainly not Biblical.

Sex was designed and created by God, and is to be desired and enjoyed. In this way, sex encourages marriage and reproduction. We have perverted the Holy Bible, and have maligned God's will for our sons and daughters to develop desires for sexual intimacy. We need to re-examine our attitudes, correct them, and bring them into harmony with God's view. Not Augustine's view, not the Roman Catholic's view, and not Queen Victoria's view. Their views on sex are warped, but God's views on sex are pure, clean, and righteous.

Sex is beautiful, exciting, thrilling, warm, wonderful, desirable, healthy, and beneficial, especially in the psychological sense. Sex is to be desired and pursued, but according to God's instructions, and not by our own ways. There is nothing wrong with teenage girls being interested in teenage boys and young adult men. It is to be expected!

I recall a time at a lake when a little boy of about 3 years was being undressed and changed into other clothes by his mother. For several minutes he was completely naked. There was a little girl of about 2 years from another family who was totally intrigued and pleased to behold such a sight, and she came right up to him. She could barely walk, and could not talk at all, but she knew she liked what she saw. The expression of delight in her face was plain to see. So obvious was her intrigue, the little boy, sensing this, assumed he should hold her hand, which is what he did. He understood she was attracted and responded as he thought he was supposed to. The girl's parents eventually came and got her, but one could clearly see the natural instinct and fascination we have for each other, even barely out of the womb.

Parents are terrified of such an instinct in their children. They will over-react and sometimes show hostility, fear, and condemnation over their children showing sexual fascination or interest. Children quickly learn to hide their interests in sex, and will choose to pursue them in secret, behind their parents' backs, and with shame, too, perhaps. No wonder we are all screwed up! We should not be so overly concerned about our children's sexual interests. They are a part of God's plan and design. It is He who gave us our sexual instincts!

Too many parents choose to avoid any sort of preparation for the day when their little girls, having begun puberty, will suddenly become overtly sexual in their thoughts and behavior. When their daughters mature in this way, they are more terrified and unprepared than ever. "How do we control our daughters now?" they ask. "Oh no, they will want to do horrible things with boys, or even worse, men!" Yeah, they probably will! Many girls start puberty between ten and twelve, and because ten or twelve years can fly by in the eyes of parents, that day comes much faster than they expected. Before they hardly get started being parents, the day arrives when their daughters begin to mature, and they are nowhere near ready. Fear explodes, and parents often become irrational and unrealistic.

At this point, a son or daughter is frustrated because they can sense the fear and disapproval of wanting to seek out and enjoy the company of the opposite sex. Conflict, fights, tension, and rebellion erupt. Many teenagers will become secretive, showing one side of themselves to their parents and another side to their friends. Parents suddenly become their child's enemy because they cannot, and will not, accept the child's new sexual maturity and desires. The parents try to suppress and deny their child's sexuality. The parents are at a total loss of what to do.

Parents have two problems. First, they don't teach or prepare their children to live adequately within God's will. Parents do not supply their children with convincing reasons why they need to wait for marriage before having sex. It is very important for parents to give sound, rational reasons for waiting, because if they don't, no matter how how sincere they are, their children will pursue sexual activity behind their backs. If we fail to reach our children's minds and hearts before their hormones kick in, it will be far more difficult afterwards. Parents fail in this area because they lack effective preparation.

Second, the world our children live in does not allow them opportunities to marry at a young age, leaving them unable to satisfy their newly found sexual desires. We don't live on the farm anymore, so our fates and financial destinies are not in our full control anymore. We depend on a system that gives us whatever it wants, and that isn't much anymore. It is very hard to make a living at any age, but especially if you are not eighteen yet. We don't like, or want, our children to be responsible and independent. We like them to be dependent and controlled. We are totalitarian dictators over children.

Not surprisingly, our children will fight against being so firmly controlled. We don't like it as adults, either. Teenagers feel they should be treated like adults, and I agree with them, but only as long as they accept full responsibility for their lives in every way as an adult.

We tragically under-estimate what our children can do and want to do. Back in the late 1980's, Jessica, a 7-year-old girl, could fly a plane. After her plane crashed, and all three people aboard died, an investigation was made. It was found Jessica had not flown the plane at take off and was not responsible for the crash. Her father and flight trainer had over-loaded the plane, thus causing it to crash. Nonetheless, people and the law decided to stop children from flying. Why? Jessica had been doing just fine. It was the stupid adults who were at fault, not the child. Still, no one wants to be seen lending their support to the idea of children learning anything risky and typically reserved for adults. Heck, it might catch on!

I understand some people were scared someone might teach an even younger child to fly an airplane, and I concede to the possibility, but why not set the training age to no less than ten years? Why push the limit all the way up to eighteen? Why do we dislike seeing children do marvelous things? What is it about us that wants to keep children from doing, learning, accomplishing, growing, succeeding, thriving, and learning to be responsible and accountable for themselves as well? Why do we want to keep our children helpless, ignorant infants who never progress, but then turn around and expect them to magically know it all, and do it all, when they turn eighteen?

Children need to begin learning, trying, and succeeding as young and as early as possible. Most subjects, both academic and social, should be taught in some manner before children even hit puberty, because when they start physically maturing, adolescents will want to move their lives forward by developing relationships with the opposite sex. Our children need to be prepared for that day. Why? Because they will not allow themselves to be denied, even if they are not ready and not being realistic about what it takes to love and live in the real world.

Children are not little boys and girls anymore when they hit puberty, providing it is not unusually early as does happen in some rare instances. I am speaking primarily of children, ages twelve and older. Those children who are twelve and older, and have sexually matured in a physical sense, are now young men and women. This has always been the case among historical civilizations and throughout Biblical history.

Adolescents deserve to be recognized as emerging young adults at this point. Still, we like to describe them as children. In fact, when I read the papers, seventeen-year-old girls are referred to as "little girls." This is absolutely absurd. They are far from being little girls! We do not respect what adolescents potentially represent. We long ago forgot what it was like to be their age. Many a mother "fooled around" when she was a teenager, but God forbid if her daughter should want to do so. "Do as I say, dear, not as I did." Such an argument doesn't work anymore.

Back to my earlier point. If given the chance, many teenagers would be willing to take up a job, earn a living, be responsible themselves, and get married, but parents and the law forbid it. Is there one good reason why we should not want our children to grow up, be responsible, earn a living, and get married? Why do we kick against responsibility so much? Is it any wonder our children do not become responsible? We discourage and prohibit responsibility for them, and even ourselves. I say "even ourselves" because we don't bother to adequately teach and prepare our children for their teenage years. It makes no sense!

The law and our society do not allow teenagers to work too hard at a job. We call that a violation of child labor laws. Well, yes, if we are talking about actual children and not adolescents, who are far more than just children. The law is supposed to protect small children from becoming Third World sweat-shop laborers. What are we protecting our teenagers from? Are we really protecting them or are we crippling them?

The prevailing excuse against teenagers working and taking on adult responsibilities is we want them to get an education so they can get a good job. Well, here is the problem: any job is a good job and deserves the kind of pay that would allow people to support themselves and a small family; but, the rich and powerful in our world don't see it that way, and as such, will not pay every laborer for his work the money necessary for supporting a family.

Consider these stern warnings from God:

1 Thessalonians 5:12 "But we beseech you, brethren, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13) and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves."

Luke 10:7 "And remain in the same house, eating and drinking what they provide, for the laborer deserves his wages."

Romans 4:4 "Now to one who works, his wages are not reckoned as a gift but as his due."

1 Timothy 5:18 "for the scripture says, "You shall not muzzle an ox when it is treading out the grain," and, "The laborer deserves his wages."

James 5:4 "Behold, the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, cry out; and the cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord of hosts."

Leviticus 19:13 "You shall not oppress your neighbor or rob him. The wages of a hired servant shall not remain with you all night until the morning."

Jeremiah 22:13 "Woe to him who builds his house by unrighteousness, and his upper rooms by injustice; who makes his neighbor serve him for nothing, and does not give him his wages;"

Malachi 3:5 "Then I will draw near to you for judgment; I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, against the adulterers, against those who swear falsely, against those who oppress the hireling in his wages, the widow and the orphan, against those who thrust aside the sojourner, and do not fear me, says the LORD of hosts."

It is detestable to God not to give a laborer his due wages. If a man works, he deserves to eat and have a family. We live in a wicked and evil world where we do not believe in paying a man a decent wage for his work. If the work is simple or not challenging, or doesn't require great knowledge, then we believe the work is not worthy of a living wage for a small family. I disagree in the strongest terms imaginable.

In fact, when women started to enter the workplace, it was felt because they were not supporting a family, they did not deserve as much pay. Such thinking, whether agreed to by women or not, was very wrong. Wages are not to be determined on whether someone needs the money or not. People should receive equal pay for equal work. Any work should merit a decent living wage. Were it possible, I would love to see a world where only one person in a marriage had to work, and the other person could stay home and do the work which piles up there. I would be happy to stay home and let my wife work, if she liked. There is enough work at home to keep whoever stays there, busy.

If a teenage boy wanted to marry and have a family, then he should be able to work and be fairly paid for his labor. Why should we think that's a terrible thing for a teenager? I doubt teenagers would feel that way if their only choice for satisfying their sexual desires was marriage and not playing around.

Why does our world belittle labor and disrespect it? Do we want to pass on this kind of world to our children? We and our ancestors have let our children down. We should be ashamed and embarrassed to even look them in the eyes. As you can see, we have all failed miserably at being responsible and accountable.

Our adolescents and young adults should be able to work and have families. That they cannot is the fault of those who did not do more to secure better labor practices when the Industrial Revolution took hold of our country. It now becomes our fault, also, as we continue to do nothing to improve the system for the generations who will follow us.

Some may feel we are asking our teenagers to grow up too fast. Really? Are you suggesting growing up and accepting responsibility is a bad thing? I thought it was a good thing. Maybe you think life is highly unfair? Could be. I kind of think it is. Whose fault is that? It's ours. We have chosen not to improve our world. Instead, we complain about it and wish our children didn't have to face it. However, they do, and the faster they prepare for the world, the better. I also believe it is possible to find happiness in a rotten world. Why substitute a life of happiness for a life of merely coping? Any answers?

Besides, I believe most teenagers want their independence, and would welcome a chance to work, have their own place, be their own boss, live their own lives, and be married. I don't think it is teenagers who are resisting. It is our society which dreads children becoming independent. We also resist assigning personal responsibility to them as well. Were we to offer the chance, I suspect many adolescents would jump at starting their own lives in this world. However, this would require us to start preparing them at an early age.

Currently, most of our children will reach their thirties before they are established financially, if at all. A good portion of people will never be established financially, even though they work hard. They will not be able to have a family or have one without great hardship. For some reason, we'd rather have our children wait for years to start their lives and have families, and mostly because we want our children to seek an education. There is no reason why they could not seek an education long after marriage. Many adults do that these days. Besides, working in the real world a few years may give our young people a better idea about what courses of education and employment they would like to pursue in life.

We have this odd concept of education that seems to require all learning be done during our youth. I see learning as something that should take place throughout life. There is no reason why a person cannot pursue their education again after taking a break. In fact, I believe it might be better to do it that way. A person might gain a better idea of what he or she might want to do or try. A change of life might be nice after a while.

I get a chuckle from athletes who decide against their athletic careers in favor of a college education, as if they could not pursue athletics first and then seek a college education after they retire from athletics. Football players and other athletes are in their physical prime during their college careers. I think they should enjoy the vitality of youth and what it offers, and then pursue college when their bodies are not as capable and not as necessary.

It is true, we can't change our world overnight, or suddenly make life as it was 150 years ago, but we can begin to make it better. To begin with, we need to recognize there are serious problems other than sexual immorality facing our adolescents in our society today. It's a "cop-out" for anyone to say he or she is not going to make an attempt at change because our world is in too much of a mess already. We don't need any more "cop-outs".

Many will offer the excuse young people need to experience life and enjoy it before they settle down. They speak as if being married or having a family were a burden and a torture. Makes you wonder, doesn't it? What exactly should our teenagers experience before marrying or having an otherwise committed relationship? Freedom? Freedom to do what? Have non-committal sex? Isn't that what the Holy Bible forbids?

OK, let's see if there is anything else. Freedom to learn, pursue an education, travel, avoid responsibility, etc. Well, it all sounds well and good, but should any of these things be more desirable than finding a partner and being in love? More importantly, are young people going to avoid temptation and remain clean in the eyes of God? The problem, as I see it, is while they are free of heavy burdens such as bills, payments, and mortgages, they are not free of desires and temptations. If the freedom is so good that they want to resist or put off having sex or developing a relationship, that is great, but I remain skeptical.

What bothers me even more is how we see our children as a burden and a drag. It should not be that way. Growing up, getting married, and having children is a good thing, not a bad thing. A relationship where God is involved should be a blessing, not a curse or punishment. We need to reconsider how we think about these things. Our purpose, as given by God, is to marry, be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth.

To make sure we did so, and to reward us for doing so, God created a means for couples to relate to each other in such a way as to provide great pleasure and satisfaction. I am sure He intended raising children to be genuinely rewarding, too. If marriage and having a family are not rewarding, then something is wrong. We should let our young people marry. We just need to prepare them before-hand, that's all.

How ridiculous we are to ask our children to refrain from sex until such time as they can legally marry and are able to adequately provide for a family! As humans, our best and most appealing years will be from the age of 13 to the age of 30. After that, our youthful beauty and looks will start to decline. Why do we ask our children to put off marriage until after their best days of youth, perhaps even until such a time as their "market appeal" begins to fade? How insane is that? In fact, even our desire for sex seems to wither a little in our thirties, only to become less and less driving with each passing decade.

I am not saying there's nothing more to marriage and committed relationships than good looks. There is, but to ignore the looks factor, and to especially ignore our best and healthiest years for reproducing are from about 15 years to 30 years (certainly for females), is blind and stupid. How are we to expect young people to ignore each other when they are at their best and most appealing? Why should they be expected to wait until a good deal of their appeal has faded? I have seen many lose their good looks in their mid or late twenties. Beauty can go fast. How is it, when our children are at their peak of sexual health and attractiveness, they are told to ignore their powerful sexual drives and desires? We must be out of our minds! We are clearly not using our heads!

When a person is young, a few years can seem like forever. Wait until 25 or 30 to have sex? It almost never happens. It's about as common as visits from Haley's Comet or solar eclipses. We are being so inconsiderate and cruel if we expect our children to wait until they are 25 or older to have sex. The God-given urge is too strong and overpowering. Most will simply resort to premarital sex.

This should be of grave concern to Christians. Sex is fine within a marriage, but God condemns premarital sex in the strongest terms. He wants to prevent children from being born without two loving parents, a solid support for the necessities of life, and plenty of love and nurturing. Sexual disease can be a problem, too. Further, God does not want to see people hurt from being used for sex or lied to about it. A lot of hurt and damage can be done to a person by breaking up a relationship after it has become sexually intimate. It can make a person bitter and less capable of loving and being loved in future relationships. God hates all forms of abuse. There is more than enough reason to be honorable about having an interest in someone.

It should be the single greatest concern of Christian parents to give their adolescents the best and earliest situation for finding a suitable mate so they can properly satisfy their God-given appetites for sex. All within the law, of course. However, this has been anything but the case. Parents instead think their adolescents should wait practically forever or even go without. Another example of "do as I say, not as I do."

We say we love our children and want them to grow up healthy, but then we turn around and expect the most ridiculous things from them. We want our daughters to be Virgin Marys forever because we hate the idea of them having sex. We'd rather they don't marry or have sex until far, far later in their lives. Sure, that'll happen!

The trouble is, we don't have much hope for changing our world for the better. God said it would go from bad to worse. Evil rules the world. Still, other cultures, in the past, have managed to deal with this problem. Patriarchal societies, such as those in the Holy Bible, lived three generations to a house on a routine basis. True, it is definitely not the way Americans do it, but that is apt to change as socialists try to bring us down to the level of Third World nations. A young couple could live with one of the couple's parents. Don't like that idea? Should we then prefer they go out, violate God's laws, and end up with God's disapproval, or an unwanted pregnancy, or even herpes or AIDS?

Matthew 5:29 "But if your right eye offends you, take it out and throw it from you, for it is profitable to you that one of your members should perish and all your body not be thrown into Hell. 30) And if your right hand causes you to offend, cut it off and throw it from you, for it is profitable to you that one of your members should perish and all your body not be thrown into Hell."

I think Jesus' point here is we should do whatever it takes, within reason, to get ourselves, and our children, into the Kingdom of God. If all must live in the same house, do it. But know this, most teenagers and young adults, no matter how much they love God and want to do right, are not likely to deny their sexual urges for long. Either find a way to accommodate them or prepare for the likelihood of hard times to come.

Another plausible solution is for a teenage girl to marry an adult man who is able to provide enough income and security for her care and well-being. However, most parents will balk at the idea of their teenage daughter being loved by a man, let alone marrying and having sex with him. But why not? If their daughter is willing to marry, have sex, and be loved and cared for by such a man, is there any reason to deny her the opportunity? I think the real hang-up among parents is the thought of sex taking place between their adolescent daughter and a grown man, even though they would be married. This should not be of great concern. Sex should not be viewed as some horrible act of defilement; it should be viewed as an act of marital intimacy and pleasure for both partners.

I have shown the Holy Bible does not disapprove of age differences. Only Queen Victoria saw gaps in age as bad. Truth is, teenage girls mature faster than teenage boys, both intellectually and emotionally. Given this fact, if it were not so stigmatized and frowned upon, most adolescent girls would prefer men in their twenties, as they tend to relate to a level of maturity not found in most teenage boys.

Some will think men in their twenties are perverted for finding teenage girls to be beautiful and desirable. That is crazy! The mind of a heterosexual male is designed to respond to secondary female sexual characteristics such as breasts, slender waists, and widened hips. This is natural human instinct at work, not perversion. It is the nature of man as God gave it to him.

Is an adolescent girl mature enough, intellectually and emotionally, to marry an adult man? Well, she may not be, but is that because she is not capable of being mature enough, or simply a matter of her parents not helping her reach the level of maturity necessary for marriage? I would say, without hesitation, it's the fault of the parents, as well as their teenage daughter. Her parents should have prepared her and they did not. The teenage girl should have applied herself to better ways and did not. It is not wise to leave a girl unprepared for marriage and adulthood.

Adolescent girls have strong sexual drives pushing them toward sex, pregnancy, and marriage. It would be irresponsible for parents not to prepare their daughters for the decisions they will soon need to make about sex and their relationships with the boys and men. Parents need to have respect and compassion for their teenage daughters. Parents cannot take the chance their daughters will be able to make wise choices throughout their adolescence and early adulthoods without proper education about sex, sexual morality, love, and marriage. If parents choose not to educate their daughters, they will have to accept the possibility their daughters will play around sexually.

It's clear most parents do not think ahead about their daughters' eventual physical and sexual maturation. Adolescence comes knocking, and parents are caught off guard. They find themselves scurrying to catch up with their daughters' development, or find they are too far behind, and thus beyond their abilities to do anything.

Because most teenage girls go largely unprepared for marriage, our society says it is right to deny them a chance to marry until they have reached a certain age put forth by law. However, are we really right in denying our daughters a chance to marry, simply based upon age and readiness? Really, how prepared is anyone for marriage? Given the statistics for failed marriages, it would appear few are prepared for marriage, and will have a lot of growing, learning, and adapting to do, even after they are married. Almost everyone does it this way, so why should we continue to deny our teenage girls a chance to marry if they have the desire, and are willing to grow and adapt and learn along side their spouses?

The Apostle Paul says this about marriage:

1 Corinthians 7:28 (GLT) "But if you also marry, you do not sin. And if the virgin marries, she does not sin. But such will have trouble in the flesh."

That last line is also phrased in two other translations as follows:

(ASV) "Yet such shall have tribulation in the flesh."

(RSV) "Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles."

Paul warns marriage is tough and not without a good deal of problems. It's unavoidable due to our sinful nature. It's a hard reality of life, but so is going without sex. The Apostle Paul further notes, because of the wide spread problem of premarital sex, we should each be married unless we are one of the few who has enough self-control to live without sex and marriage. Do you feel lucky?

It's the opinion of some people that those who are young and beautiful should have the privilege to marry someone who is also young and beautiful. Well, yes, if that is what they want. On the other hand, not everyone is preoccupied with beauty and youth, and as such, will put more importance on other aspects such as personality and pleasantness.

Further, some women are concerned with wealth, status, prestige, or some other consideration that is of value to them. Personally, I find nothing wrong with women who prefer money or some other reason for marrying. One reason is as good as another. The reason is not as important. True, it can be short-sighted to marry only for wealth with no consideration for other things, but a poor girl might find wealth attractive and compensating, more so than looks might be. I can see nothing wrong with that.

So, although youth and beauty seem to be the all important concerns, this is not always the case. This is why, at times, there are great differences in age between a man and a woman who are involved with each other. The couple may have found each others' personalities and senses of humor attractive. My belief is no one should judge a man or woman by the age of women or men he or she likes, or whether he or she even cares about age.

I read an interesting account from a Hollywood actress. A small article appeared in the Star, a weekly magazine/paper, dated Dec. 22, 1998, entitled Nicole Kidman: How I Talked Myself Out of Doing Drugs. Kidman, at 18, took up living with a man twice her age. To quote her, "He was the one who gave me a great belief in men. I was really lucky to have him." Nicole quotes her mother as saying, "It's not age, it's people."

I believe she was showing good sense in that respect. Young people, like Nicole once was, can be very determined and head-strong about the relationships they choose to be involved in. To constantly interfere or object to their choices would not accomplish much. As far as Christian parents go, they should make it clear God does not approve of sex without marriage. However, parents should remain open to the relationships their children will have, and refrain from continually expressing their disapproval. Expressing disapproval once is enough to make it known, and after that, the son or daughter has to make up his or her own mind.

If a young woman should fall for an older man, where is the harm? Some will say they have nothing in common. What makes you so sure? Maybe she likes someone who is playful and funny. Maybe she feels an older man is more mature and steady. Maybe she likes his mind. I don't care what she likes about him; it is her business, not mine. I will concede, parents might have legitimate reasons to be concerned. Maybe they see bad signs their daughter is blind to, as love tends to blind us all. Equally possible, though, the parents are being irrational and prejudiced.

Most parents will wonder what a full grown man could possibly find desirable in an adolescent girl besides her looks or youthful sexual libido. I can't argue there wouldn't be reasons for concern, but good grief, why is it so impossible to believe an adolescent girl could possess other good qualities an adult man would find desirable? To believe teenage girls are devoid of any mature personal qualities which adult men would find attractive is ridiculous and very disrespectful. Of course teenage girls have good qualities! Why do we insist on believing our daughters can only become useful, productive women upon their eighteenth birthday, and not a moment before?

Obviously, adolescent girls progress as they grow, and have plenty (or could have plenty) to offer a man, as well as a teenage boy. Do parents really think so little of their daughters? I doubt it. They think their daughters are very valuable and deserve the best, but only after they have aged years past their blooming of youth. That's crazy! A teenage girl has plenty to offer as she is! This is another example of how we slight, devalue, and under-estimate what our daughters can do and what they are worth.

So, what do you do when an older man shows interest in your daughter? That is a tough one to sort out. For starters, you should calmly and rationally talk with your daughter. Be sure to supply good reasons for your disapproval or call for caution. If you cannot give good reasons, then your daughter has every right to ignore your warnings, seeing them as being unreasonable and irrational. People of different ages can bring a lot of value to each other, and to many types of relationships. What child has not gained from a relationship with a good coach? A student from a teacher? A new music fan from an old music fan?

I have learned a lot from children. They often force me to remember things I have forgotten. They give me a fresh outlook, and force me to think (or rethink) carefully about some things. Their energy and enthusiasm are contagious. Let me ask you, if children are so worthless and unrewarding to adults, why do adults have children in the first place? If raising and sharing knowledge with children is rewarding to parents, then why wouldn't it be to other adults, also? If positively interacting with children is rewarding to all adults, then aren't we being dishonest by saying there aren't any good reasons for a man to desire a relationship with an adolescent girl?

Further, elderly people often find young children a joy and blessing to have around. Children lift elderly people's spirits and brighten their days. Children give elderly people a reason to live. One of the worst things we do in our society is place our elders in retirement homes where they are exposed to not much more than other elderly, infirm, or dying people. What a drag that must be! Our elders want to remain in the land of the living where they can be reminded of their own youth and enjoy the younger ones they love!

Yes, the worst thing we ever did in our society was to cease family-based caring for our elderly. We'd rather dump them off on institutions who often confiscate property and assets to pay for services rendered, leaving surviving relatives without a thing. Unfortunately, our society has made it necessary to seek alternative means of caring for our elderly; and that's because life now requires two working adults to support a family, leaving no one at home to care for a needy, older parent or relative. That is wrong -- a household should only require one working adult! We have many evils to correct in our world.

We live in a time of incredible age prejudice in the U.S.A. This is ironic when you consider we strongly condemn other bases for prejudice such as race, color of skin, sexual preference, choice of religion (questionable if you're a Christian or Jew), or even political persuasion (again, questionable if you're a conservative). However, when it comes to age, we are extremely prejudiced and discriminating. We routinely discriminate against anyone over fifty years of age in the work place. We forbid almost every sort of association between adults and children except in some very specific contexts, such as teaching or coaching. We crucify age differences of five years or more when it comes to romantic relationships, and sometimes we condemn or disallow fraternization between close-aged people such as a seventeen-year-old girl and a nineteen-year-old man, and this is simply a difference of a couple years!

Part of this is the result of our current educational system. Before formal education was established in our country, there was a time when children of all ages learned together in a small schoolhouse or in the same home with their parents. Unfortunately, around the turn of the 20th Century, we decided to treat education like manufacturing, and proceeded to mass-educate our children. We now build large, centralized, multi-room buildings to house many children from within defined districts. Centralization is politically touted as beneficial, but I don't see it myself. I think centralization is a move to ensure political control over the education process, and to make sure all children are indoctrinated similarly, and on a mass scale.

It is true, children of the same age tend to grow and progress at similar levels, but not so much intellectually. In my opinion, children need individual academic instruction and advancement according to the progress they make individually. Children should not be collectively taught and advanced at the same pace. If a student is bright and eager, let him move more quickly. If a student is slower to learn, instruct her more carefully, and allow her time to grow. Instead, we prefer to herd children, keeping them all at the same slow-paced level.

If each child went at his or her own pace, you would see varying ages mixed into various classrooms and academic subjects, and it would be quite appropriate and natural. This is how it is in the real world, as we sometimes see gifted children go to college at eleven or twelve, right along with people who are eighteen and older. We also see diversification in the work place as brilliant young people will often work side by side with old veterans. This is as it should be. We have been conditioned by our school system to think only in terms of like-aged groups. This method of thinking is wrong and needs to be corrected.

I have benefited so much from relationships with older people. I used to skate with an older guy in his sixties when I was in my early twenties. I played badminton, and learned more about it, from a gang of people over fifty-five when I was thirty. I learned the Holy Bible from older men. My teachers were older. Some of my better friends were the older ones as we seemed to have more in common and more respect for each other. As a man of twenty, I, and several friends a couple years younger than me, used to hang out with a guy of thirty. He had the knowledge, experience, and personality we were really drawn to. He was one of us, so to speak, and not like other thirty-year-olds. We felt comfortable relating to him, and him to us.

It is important for older people to make themselves available to younger people. It is also just as important for younger people to seek friendships with older people. Therefore, I see no reason why such acquaintances with adult men would not be beneficial to adolescent girls. Inasmuch as I've gained from my friendships with older people, I have also, on the other hand, been influential and beneficial to younger people and children. These relationships work both ways. They are good, beneficial, and healthy. They are also very important and necessary in order for knowledge, morals, and traditions to be passed on.

I saw an interesting televised documentary on African elephants. When the elephant herds grew too big for certain areas, the government of that region of Africa eliminated all the adult elephants, but preserved the young ones. The young males grew up without the influence of older males, and became quite violent by needlessly fighting each other and killing other animals. It was determined by those who manage, study, and care for elephants, there was a definite need for the influence of older male elephants. As a result, older males were brought back in, and they immediately disciplined the younger males, and gave them a good example to follow. Even in the animal kingdom, adult influences are vitally important.

Interaction among the age groups is important to the prevention of generation gaps. The idea of respecting gray hairs and old age is a common and vital theme in the Holy Bible. To deny the importance of the young and old intermingling with each other, is to reject God and His Word. Let me give you a few samples of God's view of old age and its importance to the young.

1 Kings 12:8 "But he forsook the counsel of the elders which they advised him, and consulted with the young men who had grown up with him, who were standing before him."

The "he" referred to here was Solomon's son, King Rehoboam, who inherited the throne after Solomon died. The people had come to him, upon his commencement as king, to ask for tax relief. The elders recommended he do it, but the young men foolishly advised him not to, saying it would be better for him to clamp down harder on the people than his father did. He followed the advice of the younger men, and most of Israel rebelled against him, threw out his government, and elected another king.

Psalm 148:11 "Kings of the earth and all people, princes and all judges of the earth, 12) young men and virgins too, old men and youths. 13) Let them praise the name of Jehovah; for His name alone is exalted; His glory is above the earth and heavens."

Here we see people worshiping together, not segregated by age, sex, or any other factor. Just as they worshiped together, so did they live together and learn together. The collective learning of a people can only take place by sharing experiences and knowledge with each other, without regard for age, sex, or status.

Job 12:12 "With the aged is wisdom, and understanding in the length of days."

Wisdom is particularly prevalent among older people as they have more experience than the young.

Deuteronomy 6:6 "And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your hearts. 7) And you shall teach them to your sons, and shall speak of them as you sit in your house, and as you walk in the way, and as you are lying down, and as you are rising up."

Deuteronomy 11:18 "And you shall lay these words up in your hearts, and in your souls, and shall bind them for a sign on your hand. And they shall be for frontlets between your eyes. 19) And you shall teach them to your sons by speaking of them as you sit in your house, and as you go in the way, and as you lie down, and as you rise up."

Sharing our collective wisdom and experience with our children is important, but it is not just a job that falls to parents. In our society, we have teachers in schools, in the work place, and elsewhere. Unfortunately, despite the shared responsibility, we have failed to successfully pass on the important morals and values God gave us. We have changed, and our morals and values have relaxed. This is partly because we do not do a good job, if any job, in providing a good defense for why these values are important to keep.

In previous times, an entire community helped reinforce and maintain local morals and values, but we have allowed our sense of community to die. We spread ourselves out, and seek places to live, not based on community, but rather on the financial and personal value a real estate property may have. As a result, we have ended up living with people who do not share our values and standards of living, causing us to be isolated and vulnerable to negative influences which tear away at the values we try to teach our children. What a mess!

It is not just through formal association with children that we pass on our knowledge and reinforce our cultural values, but also through friendship with them and caring about them. Why should people listen to other people who are not their friends? Trust and respect comes through close association and knowledge of each other. It is necessary and essential that older and younger people be friends, so as to share their knowledge and lives with each other. We all stand to benefit from that.

For children, play is dear to their hearts, and they especially love when their parents play with them. In a normal, healthy, parent-child relationship, children will feel more secure when their parents are with them. When parents play with their children, it creates a special bond, letting hearts open up to love and trust. Children instinctively understand if their parents take time to be playful, then their parents must really love them and enjoy being around them. This gives children a warm and positive view of their parents, and deepens the bonds of trust and respect. Try it and you'll see. It can be anything simple like riding on your shoulders, throwing a baseball, climbing a tree, coloring with crayons, whatever. Simple things please children quite well at young ages.

Ironically, if a man should be friendly with a teenage girl, and they become attracted to each other, or maybe sparks fly first and then affection results, people see something horrible in that. It is true, the age difference could be a problem if it is substantially large, such as a twenty year difference, but I look at it in a different way. Please read on.

As generations progress, I have seen there is less difference between young and old than there used to be. There are many old people who like the music of the 1960's and later, and this never used to be the case. Remember when elevator music was played in all the stores? Notice how it is more contemporary now with 1960's, 70's, 80's, and 90's music? This phenomenon is the same with other things. The old, conservative, prudish culture of earlier years is nearly gone, and a new one has come along that has more in common with younger generations. This development has not been noticed or acknowledged as much as it deserves to be.

Many people will never experience truly great relationships. I see many marriages where husbands and wives simply tolerate each other. Many of these marriages will result in divorce, and sometimes neither partner will go on to seek another relationship. If someone is able to maintain a good relationship with another person for most of their lives, they have done far better than most will ever do. Even here, I don't see age as being a significant aspect.

The main obstacle is not age, but what a couple has in common. A young woman may be energetic and active in her twenties, where as a man in his forties may be slowing down and not "living it up" as much. It's quite possible this difference may not be important to the woman. People can vary in activity levels, or many other things, even when they are the same age. No doubt, though, if the age difference is more than ten years, there is a greater chance for the couple to have less in common.

It goes without saying, those who are contemplating marriage should know themselves well so as to accurately assess what they are really looking for in a partner. It is easy to fool one's self when one is in love. I believe children should be taught to look at themselves and ask searching questions, so by their teenage years, they will have a good idea of who they are, what they want, and where they are going. It is not a typical practice to teach such ideas to children, but it should be.

If we know ourselves well, we can better discern how easy or difficult it will be to live with another person and endure their habits and lifestyle. Certainly, taking time to know the other person is important, too.

On the brighter side, I do believe if everyone learned to be more like Christ, then it would hardly matter who you live with; but in concern to adolescent girls, let's face it, even though it may be possible for them to marry and live with men who are in their thirties or older, not many of them would wish to do so. Most teenage girls will prefer a man in his twenties. There is not much to find fault with when there is only a difference of ten or so years. Ten years isn't really much of a difference in culture, preferences, energy, health, or anything else.

For those who think a difference of ten years matters, consider this: how significant is the difference between forty and fifty? Those people who are aged forty to fifty years know there is little to no difference. Politicians in congress vary in ages, usually from thirty-five or forty to well into their sixties, and yet all are considered to be near equal in respect and ability. I don't think the gap is that big between fifteen and twenty-five. Yes, ten to twenty is demonstrably significant, but by age fifteen, the significance and difference is noticeably diminished.

It is true, most teenage girls will go for teenage boys, but there are quite a few teenage girls who show an attraction and interest in men who are in their twenties. I believe adolescent girls often find men in their twenties to be desirable, and even preferable to boys their own age. So why do most girls go for guys their own age? One reason is because we herd and congregate children together in an unnatural setting at school (as I pointed out earlier) where they have no one except others their own age to associate with and learn with. Rather than being taught by their parents, children are left depending on mass education and their peers to teach them the primary skills of knowledge and life.

As we continue to herd children together, they will, of course, mix and hook up. There is no other circumstance in life, other than the military, where most people will be the exact same age together. In natural life, exposure to various ages is the norm and will result in a balance which will give us better, more well-rounded views of things, just as a healthy diet is a varied and balanced one.

Any time you put a bunch of males and females together, regardless of race, religion, or age, there are bound to be relationships formed. It's unavoidable. It's nature taking its course. What I am saying is this: if teenagers are only grouped with other teenagers, and no other ages are made available, then only teenage relationships will result. For teenagers to have realistic selection from which to form relationships, other avenues and ages must be provided.

If adolescent girls are allowed to pursue what they want from a relationship without any stigma or pressure, I am willing to bet adolescent girls will choose to be with young adult men instead of boys their own age. Young men have the maturity and physical development many teenage girls prefer. Young men usually have a better sense of humor, and whatever else teenage girls find important, which make them more appealing then teenage boys. Young men are not as awkward and socially clumsy as adolescent boys can be.

It is true, many of the men who typically cavort with adolescent girls seem to only want sex, or a girl they can control. This can also be easily, and rightly, said about any adult woman who seeks the company of adolescent boys. Too many men today do not like commitment, and they love to "play the field", but there is also a large number of men who would enjoy the opportunity to respect and care for teenage girls, but they are socially not allowed. The nice guys stay away, not because they want to, but because they fear the scathing judgment of others, and the unjust laws which may be levied against them. This isn't good, as only predators will ignore the law and society's ways, thus giving us an unfair misrepresentation of the men who would treat our adolescent daughters with love and respect.

Many marriages fail. The rate of failure is about 50% for the average marriage, and a little higher for marriages where one or both partners are barely over the age of consent. The success rate is not good. Neither is the growing incidence of alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and the lack of good, sensible behavior. They are all related symptoms. We don't train our children well, if at all. Parents don't like hearing that, though. They don't want to be responsible, any more than their children want to be. That is the heart of the problem for us all.

In addition, we have given them a world that does not offer them hope and opportunity. This can be very discouraging to teenagers, and will likely lead them to escape reality through drugs, sex, or whatever. If we want to stop the behavior, then we need to give them a better world of greater hope and opportunity.

If we don't bother to train and prepare our children for marriage, they are apt to fail in marriage. They will fail at fifteen, they will fail at thirty, they will fail at forty-five. As I said earlier, we don't begin to learn until we begin to do. If we wait until thirty to "do", we will learn, usually by failure or through some tough knocks. Delaying the age of marital consent does not work; well, it might, in a few rare cases, have slightly better results than the youngest marriages, but nonetheless, delaying the age of consent doesn't work any better than delaying the age for obtaining a driver's license or drinking alcohol.

If people marry young and fail, they will still have youth and time to pursue a second chance, but if they fail at an older age, they may not get a second chance. Waiting until an older age to marry usually involves fornication, in some form or another, or living together before marriage. The hard bottom line is this: it's easier for a twenty-one-year-old woman with a child or two to remarry than a forty-year old woman with a child or two.

The world makes it very difficult for young couples to marry as it has become harder to obtain a good paying job at a young age. This is a deplorable situation, but so is a life of fornication! There are more issues beyond that, however, especially from a legal and civil liberties viewpoint. Let me show you.

Here is the real heart of the dilemma: if parents do a lousy job and end up with a grown son or daughter who is totally unprepared for life, should we simply withhold all the young person's privileges, rights, and liberties until such time they can demonstrate proper maturity? Does that really make sense? Further, if a person is poor, shall we withhold their rights until such time they earn a decent living? I think it is ridiculous to even joke about doing such a thing! Whether the problem is immaturity or poverty, it gives us no right to deny a person basic human rights and dignities. The poor and the ignorant have every right as we do to marry or whatever. So why do we withhold certain rights from adolescent girls and boys just because they are young, inexperienced, and unable to obtain gainful employment? I do not regard these as good reasons to deny certain rights to adolescents. We treat teenagers as second-class citizens in this country. No wonder they resent us!

If level of maturity and ability to obtain a decent living are criteria, that what shall we say a person's age should be when they are able to meet the criteria? Fifteen, eighteen, twenty-one years? I doubt it, most of us won't have much of either maturity or money until our thirties. Do we really want a society which denies rights to everyone younger than thirty-five? Should we require a test to obtain a license for marrying or drinking alcohol? The answer to all these questions is no. We, as a society, need to resolve to teach our children how to be personally and socially accountable for their actions and livelihood.

Of course, I would not recommend using our public school system to teach our children these things, because it is the duty of parents to do so. I'll agree, teaching these things in schools is far better than not teaching these things at all, which is what we currently have because of poor and negligent parenting. I doubt the government wants children to be well brought-up and prepared, however. Young adults and teenagers are easier to manipulate and control when they know little or nothing. So I do not think it likely the government will encourage schools to prepare children adequately for life's challenges.

My overall point is this: don't look to our nation's leaders to help us. Politicians are the ones who wish to keep people ignorant so more and more personal responsibility will be turned over to the government. I guess ignorance is not really bliss after all, is it? Ignorance makes us all susceptible to abuse by the rulers of our world.

As it stands today, in many cases, we are told ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially for those who are eighteen years of age or older. However, for those under the age of eighteen, most any excuse for ignorance, however pathetic, is perfectly acceptable. It is absurd! This is why we continue to struggle with irresponsibility. All of us remember a time when we were free from responsibility, and we liked it. We'd rather sue and blame a company for not posting clear warnings of the dangers of misusing their products. We offer any poor excuse in court because lawyers profit from our unwillingness to be responsible for our own actions. Isn't it ironic we still have the nerve to wonder why we are a lawsuit-happy society?

Another case in point: if an adolescent girl should go out of her way to seduce a man, we do not make her accountable in the least. We let her walk away without guilt or punishment. This is wrong and evil. A teenage girl can wield a lot of power and influence over a man, and such influence should be acknowledged by our laws and court justices. Adolescent girls involved in such indiscretions should bear a portion of the guilt, and should be held as accountable as the man; instead, we do not hold her accountable at all. She is free to continue seducing men, placing them in trouble's way, and ruining their lives and reputations without any consequence to herself. She is free to continue her reckless and cruel behavior. Why do we continue to ignore the breakdown of our virtues and morals?

Why should seduced men be the only responsible parties? Why assign these men all the blame when parents are the ones who failed to teach their daughters about personal and sexual responsibility? Consider an adult woman who gets involved with a dishonorable man: the woman may later regret her choice, but she will only find she has little recourse by which to address her mistake other than to "chalk it up" to experience. Why, then, do we continue to allow adolescent girls to make men pay dearly for manipulating their bodies and emotions? The reality is, teenage girls need to understand how they made it possible for men to use them. Adolescent girls need to be instructed on how to be intelligent, careful, and responsible for their actions, sexual or otherwise!

To me, when a girl is old enough to know better (and you can't tell me a fifteen-year-old girl does not know better), then she should be accountable for her actions and choices, good or bad. A man who is an object of her affection should not be punished for her poor choices. If a teenage girl is intelligent, moral, and well-brought-up, then she will resist sex outside of marriage. If she is not, she won't, and it would be wrong to consider any man she becomes involved with to be a perverted monster. An adolescent girl should be free to associate and consort with men, and also to marry and have sex, and with parental consent, if need be. As it stands right now, parental permission is not uniformly recognized throughout America, and parents could land in serious legal trouble should they allow their teenage daughters to relate with adult men. Fact is, many state governments still require court justice approval of any marriage involving a minor, regardless of whether or not parental permission has been given.

We live in dangerous times as governmental control grows in leaps and bounds. We face the prospect of forfeiting our rights, and having to receive permission from the government to marry, drink alcohol, or whatever. I don't believe the government has the right to assume control over our lives. If we want to do something stupid, it is our right as long as we don't endanger others. If we fail to obtain all the knowledge needed for living life, it is our problem. I don't believe stupid behavior should affect our rights. Unfortunately, it has happened in many areas already.

For example, we have to wear seat belts. Others are not endangered, but we have to wear them anyway. Politicians can argue we'd be a burden to the health care system if we're injured for not wearing our seat belts, but I seriously doubt the health care system is concerned. They enjoy having the business. If we rob them of business, the price of health care will increase, and doctors and hospitals are already over-charging as it is. If I am willing to pay, it should be my business. If the government can go so far as to worry about how we might impact the medical industry, to what else will they turn their prying eyes?

Shall they start telling me what I can eat? Will they become arbiters of my health so I am not a burden on doctors? Shall I be fined for eating poorly? Will they perhaps ban certain foods? Shall they tell me how often I should maintain the roof on my house so I won't have to replace the whole roof later? Shall I receive a fine or be imprisoned for burdening or wasting our collective resources?

If we cross that line of free will, we will be in trouble and lose every right we have. Could it be that's been the government's plan all along? The precedent is a precarious and dangerous one. In addition, such control violates the basic humanitarian tenants put forth in the Holy Bible.

If we don't learn to accept responsibility for our own choices, and continue blaming others, then the government is apt to accept the responsibility and take complete control of us. They are using the rebelliousness of teenagers against us. If our teenagers vandalize or cause other damage, parents are held liable. If children are caught smoking, it is the parents who now have to pay the fine. It's ironic -- our government will impose fine after fine on parents, but will not allow parents to discipline their children as they see fit.

The government has decided to make us accountable for every little thing our adolescent children do. As we all know, teenagers are very difficult to control. Could the day come (or is it here already?), when we end up in tremendous legal debt due to the actions of our teenage children? Heck, we are already responsible for child support if we are deemed bad parents and have our children taken away.

This is no joke, folks, it is already happening. It would be to your benefit for the law to recognize your adolescent children as independently accountable to the law. If the law doesn't, you may end up paying dearly, even going bankrupt. It will also mean loss of control over your children's sexual behavior as well. You may have already lost that anyway, so there is nothing left to lose except a good deal of personal and financial liability.

The trick here is to reach our children's hearts early, to teach them as much as we can, so when they become independent in will and desire, they will discipline themselves and do what's right. That may include letting them marry at younger ages. If we choose not to teach and prepare our children early in their lives, it is we who are to blame.

I have been primarily discussing adolescent girls, but everything I have written applies to adolescent boys, too; but I've found our real hysteria rests primarily within the notion of teenage girls having sex, or getting married, especially to men who are older than them by five to ten years. Parents need to stop acting upon their irrational emotions, and start acting upon reality.

We know babies tend to elicit the strongest emotions from us. They are very delicate, vulnerable, helpless, innocent-looking, and non-threatening. They pull on our heartstrings, and evoke the most protective reactions we are capable of. This is why abortion is a loaded subject and extremely controversial.

We know we are vulnerable to the youthful and innocent appearance of a babies. Even small children, with their tiny voices and delicate limbs, bring out love and tenderness in us all, or at least they should. Our instincts around the young were made powerful by God, for sure, but what about adolescents? I see a lot of things about teenage girls which directly relate to young children and babies.

I think adolescent girls, while sexually appealing after puberty, usually retain a hint of child-like looks in their faces. They still have a relative amount of innocence about them, too. To teenage girls, the world is brand new, exciting, and full of promise. They are more enthusiastic about life, and are half-way between childhood and adulthood. They have changed remarkably in body, personality, and desire, yet somehow still hold on to characteristics of their childhood. I have a theory about why that is.

It is a realistic fact of life all humans are effected by looks. It is instinctive, as even babies have been observed to gaze longer at beautiful faces than less attractive faces. It is a part of our nature. It has also been found beauty affects the same regions of a man's mind as do food and drink. The post-pubescent female image is intoxicating to a man. It is like a drug to him. It is not something he can erase from his mind or prevent himself from pondering over. Attraction to the feminine physique is hard-wired into a man's system. To find fault with a man because he instinctively finds an adolescent girl attractive is contrary to nature. We may require him to avoid her, but to require him not to find her attractive is ridiculous and hardly reasonable.

When it comes to what attracts a man to a woman, looks are the first signal to draw a man's interest. Yes, of course, a woman won't be able to hold a man's interest for the long haul unless there are other things as well, but looks will often be the initial motivation for a male to "check out" a female. If a woman has substance along with the looks, then she has a very good chance of retaining and keeping a man's interest.

It is in an adolescent girl's best interest to market herself when she is at her peak of beauty. I don't think there is any question a girl's peak of beauty is just after she completes puberty. It is at this moment that a girl is fully developed in her secondary sexual characteristics, still retains her youthfulness, and is at the point where she is apt to have the strongest effect on a young man's heart.

How smart would it be to bring a basket of unripened fruit to market? It would not be the most appealing fruit. At the same time, it would be unwise to wait until the fruit is past ripe and begins to brown and wilt-away. A car is worth more when it is close to being new than when it is older and more broken down. I don't mean to sound crass, cold, and unfeeling, but as I said, looks are a fact of life. An adolescent girl has a better chance of attracting a desirable man when she is at her physical best.

Yes, an older woman may be an exceptional person, but what if there is also a younger woman who is also exceptional? The younger woman is more likely to win out in the end, all things being equal. This is just the way it is. An adolescent girl has the most beauty to bargain with after her body has matured sexually, so why do we continue to deprive our teenage daughters by forcing them to settle for lesser prospects because we insist they wait for years past their adolescent primes? We should allow our teenage daughters to appropriately present themselves so as to get the best husbands they can!

I believe it is natural for teenage girls to be attracted to young men in their twenties. There has been enough real-world evidence to support my belief, to be honest, as I saw more than enough of this kind of interaction when I was in my twenties. I also think it's natural for a mature man in his twenties to feel his heart well with affection upon meeting a beautiful adolescent girl who is brimming with innocence and optimism. This is why the allure of an adolescent girl should never be underestimated, as the allure, though most likely innocent, can just as easily be deliberate and manipulative.

I think this natural attraction is something God intended to help a young adolescent woman attain, and keep, a strong hold on a man's heart. Adolescent women have a charm which can really sweep men off their feet. A teenage girl can bring out a man's most tender and gentle feelings, inspiring him to return tender and gentle treatment to her. My mother tells me she still sees my brother and I as the little babies we were in the beginning. She can't forget those images of us. They are burned permanently into her mind. I think it is somewhat the same way with a teenage girl. A teenage girl can leave a man with a deep lasting impression of her beauty and youthful innocence.

An adolescent girl is able to attract a man, not only because she is fully developed, but also because some of her child-like looks remain, particularly in her face. These child-like looks enable her to attain a solid grip on a man's emotions and loyalty. She will lose all her child-like looks eventually, often within a few years after puberty, and will look fully grown, but she will have captured her man's heart and love, and will remain endearing to him forever.

Let's talk about innocence for a minute. What is it? Well, to some degree, it is the great expectation of life, and the ability to see the future optimistically. Children are apt to be more trusting and less aware of the bad in people. They are so trusting and innocent, and they are beautiful because of it. Innocence is also deadly dangerous. Our children need to be quickly taught the world is a place to be very cautious and discerning about. However, some innocence will remain, because, even though the world is bad, there is nothing quite like experiencing the world first hand. Knowing and actually experiencing are very different, though, and if children are prepared, the world will not be nearly as shocking to them when they first see the ugly side of life.

The loss of innocence (or should we say ignorance) is not such a bad thing. It is a good thing, it is a safe thing, and it is vitally important to our survival. Life tends to kick the crap out of us all, and that can dampen our enthusiasm and joy. If we keep and maintain the proper outlook, we can retain a large measure of joy in life, regardless of how poor we are, or how terrible the world is. The loss of innocence is only relative. In a beautiful, kind, and trusting world, innocence would last forever, but due to Adam's sin, we have the world we do and must live with it. A trusting innocence must be replaced with caution, and there is nothing we can do about that. It is always sad to see innocence die.

Parents will fear the loss of innocence in their children, especially their daughters. Case in point: a teenage girl no longer looks like a little girl physically, except maybe in the face, and certainly does not feel or behave like a little girl anymore, yet her parents will still see her as their little girl. She is a woman now, both in body and in her desires, and she has acquired her own sexual awareness. She may still be young and impressionable, but she's a woman nonetheless. However, her parents want cling to who she once was, and do not wish to see who she is now. Her parents find her growing maturity to be terrifying. They are not prepared for this event, and their daughter may not be either. They have now come to the realization she has changed and is not their little girl anymore. They know they will start losing their control over her, little by little, and it can be terrifying and paralyzing to them.

Even more scary is to be presented with the reality of a man noticing their daughter, and maybe even taking an interest in her. This can cause outright hysteria in parents who have not prepared themselves, or their daughter, for this day and time. They become their daughter's enemy, and become almost irrational in their reactions and fears. Everything changes for both parents and daughter. This parental irrationality is what the daughter, and anyone she might develop an interest in, will have to deal with. Not pretty, is it?

Her parents' reaction is wrong and needs to be corrected. In addition, the daughter needs to pay careful attention and remember how this moment in her life feels. She needs to understand it, and make sense of it, so she can avoid the same mistake of not preparing herself and her children long in advance of the day when they will face the same situation. Daughters continue to make the same mistakes their mothers did, and never seem to learn or improve. Hopefully my writings will enlighten future parents, and their children as well.

Another thing that particularly strikes a mother, or other older women, is they are getting older and past the point where men will still find them very attractive. They look in the mirror and perhaps see body fat and wrinkles where none were before, or skin blemishes of various types, or all sorts of things which tell them their days of youthful beauty are gone. This can be a traumatic experience for a woman when she finally confronts it.

Women, more than men, I believe, are concerned about their looks. I think women are more affected by their looks, or the lack of them. Hollywood women dread when old age comes upon them. They get cosmetic surgery, and whatever else, in an effort to delay the inevitable. Without the looks, there will be less demand for them in Hollywood.

I think a mother of a teenage girl becomes very insecure and frightened when her looks begin to fade. She notices her youthful and appealing daughter, and she becomes painfully aware she is not what she used to be. She is anxious about her looks and is scared of the threat and competition a young woman represents. I think the real pain and betrayal a woman feels when her husband leaves her and takes up with a younger woman is knowing she can't match the younger woman looks-wise, even though the betrayal is not her fault and not within her control. The scorned wife feels a total loss of control and a great anger towards the younger woman who did not respect her marriage. She has every right to be angry and frightened, too. The Holy Bible sternly condemns a man for cheating on his wife!

I suspect, to some degree, many mothers feel a small touch of jealousy toward their blossoming daughters who have the beauty of youth and their whole lives before them. Between the competition, the jealousy, the envy, and the realization her own looks are showing their age, a older woman can feel helpless. Unfortunately, this helplessness can affect how a mother views her daughter's sexuality.

Just the presence of a young woman can seem like a dire threat to an older woman. She knows the younger woman's appeal is great, and if her husband should be caught admiring the young woman, she might find herself in a near panic. She may develop a deep sense of insecurity and discomfort. A good husband should be careful about noticing younger women, and seek to reassure his wife of his love and admiration. However, a woman must also not let her fears get out of hand.

If a woman lets her insecurities, fears, and jealousies run free, she could do a lot of harm and damage to her relationship with her daughter at a time when her daughter needs her experience and advice the most. If the mother is out of sorts, she will not be able to offer good advice. She will be acting out of fear and other insecure emotions. This is why a mother can behave very irrationally when she sees a young man paying interest in her daughter. A mother can see such attention as loathsome and aggravating. She will react out of fear and berate the poor young man who has an interest in her daughter.

Fathers may also be dealing with emotions when their daughters bloom. Fathers have not prepared themselves, and perhaps see their looks slipping away, as well. They remember when they were young. They remember their shallow teenage boy emotions and desires, and dread the day boys notice their girls. Interesting how things change, because to the father, it now matters that a teenage boy has morals and respect for girls and women.

The father may also be jealous of the young man. He, too, becomes aware of his fading youth. He may resent the fact this guy is having his chance to enjoy youth, and perhaps his daughter, too. We might call this a conflict of interest. They resent the youth of their children, and the fact it is gone for themselves. Pain and jealousy cloud, distort, and corrupt the attitudes of parents, and such attitudes are of no use to their growing children.

We adults need to do a better job coping with our aging bodies. There is much we tend to ignore or place upon our children because we do not want to deal with aging in a proper way. Aging is an inevitable part of life, and we need to understand youth does not last long, and we should not waste it. When we are young, it seems like we have forever, doesn't it?

I think aging has been an under-rated challenge for all people. People will continue to face this challenge, however, and it does no good to ignore it or react to it hysterically. We need a lot of work and development in this area. Preparing our children is the other great challenge that precedes our mortality. My feeling is these two challenges are likely the greatest we will face in life, except for the death of a loved one, or perhaps a divorce.

The question we have hopefully answered is whether or not our teenage daughters are capable of being involved in a relationship with a young man. I believe they can be, but certainly not without our knowledge and attention. If we neglect our responsibilities to our daughters, it will affect and impact them for the rest of their lives, no matter what age they are when they marry, or even if they don't marry. Age does not make a difference; if we fail to prepare our daughters, we will only succeed in harming them.

Irresponsible sexual behavior should be one of our biggest concerns. Marriage should be considered early on, to be practical, or the risks inherent to undisciplined sexual lifestyles will only increase, and to accomodate marriage among our youth, we may have reconsider our financial and materilistic desires.

People today place too much emphasis on having a house, a nice car, and other material trappings. A level-minded person should not care if they do not live in a fancy house or drive a nice car. We are spoiled and materialistic in America. We are addicted to the finer things of life, just as a junkie is to drugs, so we emphasize finding a good job and living in a nice area. What good is any of this if our selfish pursuits allow destruction to creep into our homes and the lives of our children?

It is my opinion, although idealistic, that having a good husband or wife is among the most important things in life, and if one has love, who cares where they live or what they drive. If you have each other, and certainly if you have God, you have a lot! The Proverbs put it this way:

Proverbs 15:17) "Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fatted ox and hatred with it."

Or as The Beatles put it:

"I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love."

What do you value? We should value spiritual things. God is said to be love, so love could be considered quite spiritual. Some people regard spiritual things as more important than money and materialism. This is not the case in America, and this is why America is in jeopardy in so many ways. Now you know why children are shooting each other in school all the time. We lost our sense of real values in this country, and it shows everywhere.

Furthermore, there are issues regarding our civil liberties and human rights. We could end up in double jeopardy, jeopardy with both God and men, if we ignore the issues. Would God approve of how we punish a young man for taking an interest in our daughters as He intended? Shall we punish a man for the instinct God gave him? God could decide to punish us for harshly judging such young men, making them out to be perverts, even when God does not consider them as such.

We have little more than ten short years to teach our children what they should know. We have to start teaching them early. Their happiness and survival both depend on it. As parents, we want our children to be happy, so we need to get a grip on our irrational emotions and behaviors.

Life can be, and should be, a beautiful thing. For a young man or woman, the world can hold so much promise. As we get older, we find out life is not a "bowl of cherries". We suffer disillusionment and heartbreak. My belief is the better we help our children understand the "ugly side of life", the better they will cope with life. In this manner, they will be able to adjust their sights and expectations to realistic levels, and find comfort and happiness in the small things of life.

Keep in mind, money is not everything. We give money too much concern and importance. One can be happy without having a lot of money. In the U.S.A., poverty is a relative thing. It is not like we are apt to starve if we are willing to work. With parents helping, perhaps sharing their own house, young couples should be able to do OK and be happy. Happiness should not be dependent upon great wealth. Most rich people are not happy, nor are they sound of mind any more than anyone else. Sometimes they can act very disturbed because of their wealth and fame.

There is nothing like education and preparation. When the military needs to send men to war, they give them as much preparation as possible to be ready for the worst. We need to do the same. In many respects, life is a battlefield in a world gone mad. We need to prepare our children so they don't get hurt, or possibly killed, by life.

Unprepared children could easily spend years paying a therapist, or perhaps turn to drug and alcohol abuse. Who knows what might happen. I think it is safe to say sex and sexuality are a big part of every person's life. We are sexual creatures by nature as God intended. We need to allow room for our sexual desires and behavior, but in responsible and acceptable ways.

If you love your children, you will let them be what God intended them to be. To not let them is to not love them, and also to reject nature and God's intentions. Don't let yourselves be found fighting against God and nature. You will most certainly be the loser!

While I recommend early marriages for young adults, none of us can ignore the law. I don't believe in ignoring the law. If the law requires parental and governmental permission, and it usually does, then you should follow the law. Youthful marriages would not be breaking God's law, but they would violate the government's, and that could cost a person big time.

Governments have their own hidden agenda, and often find it beneficial to cater to hysterical people and those who favor extremes. Extremists often prefer the sacrifice of freedom in order to obtain a level of security and protection that, in the end, is not possible; and secondly, is not worth the sacrifice. Unfortunately, hysterical and irrational people never see it that way.

The government, on the other hand, finds this traumatized and irrational attitude most convenient and desirable. It allows them to separate the youth from the adults, cutting off any wisdom from reaching the youth. The youth only have each other, and that is just fine as far as the government is concerned. A division between the young and old is welcomed by "The-Powers-That-Be". Once young people are separated and alienated from the wisdom of their elders, they are easily misled and manipulated.

This may lead us to thoughts of defying the law, but as our government has demonstrated, time and again, they are willing to crucify anyone who trespasses the barriers they have established between young and old. What we do have on our side is the right to petition our representatives to change the laws, and we need to take advantage of that right. I certainly do not advise disobeying the law, even if the law of the land is not the law of God.

We live in a precarious time. A time not far from the destruction mankind will bring upon itself. We are progressively more hostile to moral logic and reasoning. We are also becoming irrational as a nation as well. The best advice I can give is to avoid doing something which will cause you to come into contact with a law process that is neither just nor fair concerning true matters of the heart.

What I find most disturbing is, more and more, the government is passing laws which make intentions more serious and punishable than the actual crimes the intentions are tied to. For instance, with hate crimes, whether you kill, injure, maim, or rape, your crime is not as important as the reason you had for committing the crime. That's insane! A person is either seriously hurt or is dead! Does the reason really matter? Is it going to make a difference? Whatever the reason, the crime should be deterred by punishment. To not care about all bodily violations and murders equally is inconsistent and wicked.

I have a friend who was interrogated by the police as part of the process of joining the force. He was questioned whether or not he ever found teenage girls to be attractive. At first he was going to be honest about their attractiveness, but after some thought, he decided to modify his answer. The police department was concerned about any confession to finding teenage girls to be attractive. The whole idea is preposterous! We can no more control what we find attractive than we can control what tastes good to us! We are born with it!

We can control how far we allow our personal thoughts to progress, but as soon as we go to sleep, we lose that control, and our dreams will take us wherever they want, even if we wouldn't go to those places ourselves when awake. What really concerns me is how the government has become preoccupied with what goes on in our heads. It is none of their business! As long as thoughts stay in our heads, that is all that should matter!

When a law-abiding man can be condemned for thoughts which are natural and instinctive to him, even when he does not act on them, then there is little hope for any man in our society. He is guilty by reason of genetics and birth. Furthermore, on this issue, our society is inconsistent. We say homosexuals are born with their desires and should not be faulted for their inclinations, so why aren't heterosexuals extended the same courtesies? Why aren't heterosexuals recognized for not being able to control what is (or isn't) appealing to them? Isn't it something they are born with?

How many of us have fantasized, though nothing more, about taking down our boss, or some other person, who really made us angry and frustrated? Really, if our thoughts were enough to convict us, nearly all of us should be in prison. How sensible is that? How moral is that? How sane is that? If we are willing to behave, we should not be judged for the thoughts which might be in our heads, regardless of whether or not the thoughts are controllable.

The real problem is we often do not give our laws much thought. We over-react emotionally, and do not carefully analyze what we are contemplating. We let some hysterical and out of control person cause us to react foolishly, instead of being careful to remain logical, rational, and in control. We allow our thoughts and feelings to run away with us. We need to get away from the concepts of "thought crimes." We need to stick to worrying about deeds, not intentions or fantasies. No one has a right to be in our heads except us! That is a right which is perhaps even more sacred than keeping others out of our bodies.

I think getting into people's heads appeals to governments as they want total control, and are always in fear of what might actually be in a person's head. Paranoid governments of the past usually killed or imprisoned people just for being mildly questionable. This kind of paranoia is a sign of great mental imbalance, and our government is showing too many signs of such an imbalance. We, as citizens, are also showing the same signs of this psychosis. We need to get control of ourselves before it is too late!

Meanwhile, if you are a young man, you need not feel guilty because you find a teenage girl attractive. God intended for you to do so, as far as I can rationally and reasonably discern. If you are one of those teenage girls who likes a man, consider what would happen to him if you consent to a relationship which becomes sexual. Do you want to see him in prison? If not, wait until you are of the age when you can marry with the blessings of your parents and the law. Don't ignore the law!

The saddest thing about this is some teenage girls couldn't care less about what happens to the adult men they take up with. Men have ended up dead or have gone to prison for statutory rape. Underage adolescent girls walk away with no accountability or guilt whatsoever. I ask parents, do you care about God's ways and what is right? Then don't make young men the scapegoats for your own failures, and those of your daughters. Hold your daughters accountable for their irresponsible and hurtful actions.

It might be good for teenagers to wait for marriage, but reality is most teenagers will not take the high road. You can't make them do it, either. In this present world of immorality and corruption, the accommodations of marriage must once again be considered for our adolescents. We can no longer reasonably expect our children to withhold from sexual activity until such a time they can marry.

Sad to say, some people are going to get caught with their pants down, so to speak. Don't let your children become one of those people because you didn't want to deal with their sexuality. Deal with it, but be careful not to fight against nature. Instead, try to work with it in an agreeable way so your children will be found responsible and morally acceptable in a world preoccupied with destruction.